Breakdown #1

And so it has begun.

Countdown TI 11 days until I go home for Christmas Break

Countdown TI 10 days before I re-pack and then unpack in my new single room

Countdown TI 8 days to newly founded Hell Week Finals

And the day before all of this counting down begins, I’m already down with 2 mental breakdowns for the day.

I knew college was going to be hard before classes even started and before I even arrived during orientation week. But nothing could have prepared me for the helplessness and hopelessness I continually feel each and every day when it comes to getting up each morning.

  1. I currently am running a 101-degree fever
  2. I have my final draft of my major research paper due on Friday
  3. I need to study and review for Music Theory while keeping up with the new material that we are still learning
  4. I need to read my last Psychology chapter and start reviewing for the final
  5. I need to find my lost perspectives essay in order to include it in my course portfolio (and if all else fails, I then retype the entire 8-page paper)
  6. I need to start a presentation on childhood sexual abuse and the neurological and psychological effects that take place after it for my Inquiry final (this is also my major research paper)
  7. I need to make my secret Santa present for my floor exchange
  8. I need to make my secret Santa present for my Flute sectional exchange
  9. I need to start packing boxes for my new room
  10. I need to practice my tour music for Concordia Band
  11. I need to practice my flute choir music for my concert Saturday
  12. I need to practice my jury piece that I just received today and am performing in a week
  13. I need to perform a concert on Saturday
  14. I must go to a piano recital on Saturday for my last stamp on my stamp card (that and in order to not kill my mind)
  15. I need to find time to eat a decent meal since I haven’t been doing that for 2 weeks now
  16. I need to go out and buy supplies for my secret Santa gifts
  17. I need to go out and buy groceries because I won’t have time to leave my room
  18. I need to find time to sleep since I haven’t been doing that well either lately
  19. I need to finalize my schedule for next semester
  20. I need to not have another mental breakdown
  21. I need to practice all of my home exercises for physical therapy
  22. I need to go to my scheduled physical therapy appointments

I couldn’t be more blessed for the opportunity to study at Concordia College and explore my love of music and make a career out of it, but these next 2 weeks might actually kill me. I don’t think I can make it, and if I do make it, it won’t be with flying colours. Not to mention I am all out of my migraine medication and my anxiety medication.

My goals for this week and next are as follows

  1. Don’t kill my mind
  2. Don’t die
  3. Do my homework
  4. Study for finals
  5. Pass my finals
  6. Hopefully, pass all of my classes because of passing my finals
  7. Don’t relapse
  8. Don’t give up
  9. Don’t hurt anyone verbally or physically
  10. Don’t lose the little sanity I have left right now

I hope everyone else has a very safe 2 weeks and manages through their finals without harming themselves or anyone else. As I cannot promise any of those, I will just conclude by saying,

I can sure as hell try but it probably won’t happen.



About kyrinian

Just an exhausted college student who doesn't like to talk to people in person about what she's thinking.
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